


Chat for Volleyball. (VOLLEYBALL ONLY)

by volleybird



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/F, Group chat, Karasuno, M/M, Memes, Texting, asashi more like jesus, daichi doesnt think this through, hinata is a funky tangerine, neutral evil tsukishima kei, suga is a chaotic good mother, they all disasters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2019-10-10 23:38:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17435666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/volleybird/pseuds/volleybird
Summary: Daichi decides a group chat is needed. It is just for volleyball. Just volleyball.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> lmao im going to write like, a chapter type fic but i need an outlet to meme. thanks for reading, if you are. meanwhile, this will be a mess but i just like reading these so here i go to make one.

daichi added hinata, suga, and 14 others to _Chat for Volleyball. (VOLLEYBALL ONLY.)_

 

noya: oh hell yea babes

 

ennoshita: yea the second years gotta chat n like, theyre just gonna use this one now. im so sorry

 

tanaka: hoLD on you love us!!  
tanaka: say something ennoshita

 

suga: Anyways! I told Daichi to make this bc all you little shits keep texting me for information! And now we can just use this :)

 

tsukishima: thats the most passive aggressive :) ive ever seen and i text yamaguchi daily.

 

yamaguchi: :)

 

noya: i've got a thought! hold on

 

tsukishima: we're all waiting on the edge of our seats man. take your time.

 

𝘯𝘰𝘺𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘶𝘤𝘩𝘪'𝘴 𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘶𝘤𝘤𝘪.

 

yamagucci: wow havent heard that before! thanks noya :)

 

suga: wait yall can change each others names? just gonna play god like that?

 

daichi: how do i stop that

 

suga: dont it'll be a hella good time

 

daichi: heh ok

 

tsukishima: heh ok

 

tanaka: heh ok

 

yamagucci: heh ok

 

noya: heh ok

 

hinata: heh ok

hinata: hi!!

 

daichi: fuck you all.

daichi: except for you hinata.

 

tanaka: wAtCh YoUr PrOfAnItY

 

suga: im so tired of being here

 

asashi: hi yes what is this

 

suga: hell

 

tsukishima: tell us how you really feel mom

 

𝘯𝘰𝘺𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘢'𝘴 𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘢

 

mommacita: ok.

 

asashi: ok ive seen enough! bye

 

𝘢𝘴𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘪 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘝𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘺𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘭. (𝘝𝘖𝘓𝘓𝘌𝘠𝘉𝘈𝘓𝘓 𝘖𝘕𝘓𝘠)

 

daichi: oh he thinks he can leave?

 

𝘥𝘢𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘪 𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘴𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘪 𝘵𝘰 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘝𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘺𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘭. (𝘝𝘖𝘓𝘓𝘌𝘠𝘉𝘈𝘓𝘓 𝘖𝘕𝘓𝘠)

 

noya: jesUs hAS RISEN TODAY AHHHHEELLELUIA

 

𝘯𝘰𝘺𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘴𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘪'𝘴 𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘫𝘦𝘴𝘶𝘴

 

jesus: god, let me die

 

mommacita: If you want god, he sure as hell isnt here!

 

hinata: i wanna say hi bt last time i did daichi tld me 2 fuck off :(

 

mommacita: sweetie im so sorry

 

daichi: hinata that wasnt directed to you im sorry! if you wanna say hi no one will tell you to fuck off

 

hinata: ok take 2!! hi guys!!

 

kageyama: fuck off

 

hinata: :(

 

daichi: look what youve done. he's sad.

 

kageyama: sorry hinata

 

hinata: :D your garbage!!

 

kageyama: youre*

 

tsukishima: You're*

 

tanaka: Oh. Airhorns.

 

ennoshita: oh so this is worse than just the second years

 

 

 

𝘰𝘪𝘬𝘢𝘸𝘢 𝘵𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘻𝘶𝘮𝘪

oikawa: heyyyyyy u n i got added to the karasuno vball chat?

 

iwachan: yea we should probs tell daichi

 

oikawa: or. we stay in n spy ~

 

iwachan: u know our school chat?

 

oikawa: yes?

 

iwachan: how much vball do u think theyre gonna talk about

 

oikawa: hot take

oikawa: new plan

oikawa: wait till theres a REALLY good time for me to say something!!

 

iwachan: you just wanna make sure kageyama wont complain about you

 

oikawa: yes but also

oikawa: i want to hehe

 

iwachan: i'll turn a blind eye

 

 

 

𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘢 𝘵𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘪𝘬𝘢𝘸𝘢

suga: hey bitch saw daichi added u to our chat on accident

 

oiks(vball): refeshing kun ~ whats the chance you let me stay

 

suga: give me one good reason

 

oiks(vball): imagine the chaos n confusion when someone says something about me and i go Hello Fuckers and then immediately leave

oiks(vball): also yall are entertaining

 

suga: lmao ok. if i ever say that you could be summoned would u play along

 

oiks(vball): hells yea

 

suga: cool

 

 

 

𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘝𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘺𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘭. (𝘝𝘖𝘓𝘓𝘌𝘠𝘉𝘈𝘓𝘓 𝘖𝘕𝘓𝘠)  
jesus: so, volleyball

 

noya: hot take babe

 

tanaka: rt

 

tsukishima: yea we not doin that shit

 

mommacita: rt ^

 

𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘴𝘶𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘢'𝘴 𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘪𝘭 𝘴𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵

 

lil salty shit: ok

 

yamagucci: he is a shit lmao

 

lil salty shit: oh?

 

yamagucci: my lil salty shit <3

 

tanaka: @ennoshita why cant we be like this

 

ennoshita: ur a bald shit

 

tanaka: ur a enno-shit-a

 

mommacita: so love isnt dead after all

 

daichi: ah, young love.

 

hinata: You guys are like, only 1 year older though?

 

kageyama: yeah what are you on

 

mommacita: love

 

hinata: Wack!

 

kageyama: we've talked about this

 

hinata: Neat!

 

tanaka: His hair, WACK

 

noya: His jumps, WACK

 

ennoshita: sorry His height, WACK

 

shimizu: His Lunchbox, WACK

 

tanaka: Me? IM TIGHT AS FUCK

noya: Me? IM TIGHT AS FUCK

 

tanaka: great minds think alike <3

 

noya: <3

 

ennoshita: hey throwback whats up w hinatas lunch box

 

shimizu: haha drop it

 

ennoshita: ok!

 

kageyama: hinata you caused this

 

hinata: Wack!

 


	2. Disasters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yachi: oh im here i just didnt want to partake
> 
> jesus: mood
> 
> yachi: wow yall know jesus
> 
> jesus: no, its me, jesus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hELL yea

mommacita: practice, usual time sat. 

 

tsuki: oh we doin volleyball for real now?

tsuki: who changed my name

tsuki: who wanna DIE

 

mommacita: you could scroll up u know

 

tsuki: do i care that much though

 

yamagucci: heh

 

_tanaka changed tanaka's nickname to tanaka-senpie_

 

mommacita: sweetie u spelt that wrong

 

tanaka-senpie: or did i

 

mommacita: you did

 

_mommacita changed tanaka-senpie's nickname to tanaka_

 

mommacita: you dont deserve it yet lmao

 

daichi: and im the mean parent smh

 

_mommacita changed daichi's nickname to dadchi_

 

mommacita: just playin god lmao

 

dadchi: i mean, 

 

noya: daddychi

 

jesus: noya no

 

tsuki: asashi doesnt like this chat but the second noya called another man daddy he's here

 

noya: dont call him out like this 

 

jesus: respect ur elders

 

yamagucci: now thats a daddy

 

tsuki: why dont we just all stop saying daddy

 

noya: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) oh how the tables have tabled

 

tsuki: shut up

 

_yamaguchi to hinata_

yamaguchi: hey act like u dont know what daddy is 

 

hinata: wait why

hinata: oh ok! 

 

 

_Chat for Volleyball. (VOLLEYBALL ONLY)_

hinata: Whats wrong with daddy? Isnt it the same thing as father?

 

tanaka: forgive me father i have sinned

 

noya: rt

 

hinata: that doesnt answer my question

 

mommacita: hinata, daddy has a connotation

 

hinata: whats a connotation

 

 

_suga to oiks(vball)_

suga: theyre all so goddamn stupid 

 

 

_Chat for Volleyball. (VOLLEYBALL ONLY.)_

mommacita: like things that come with a word other than the definition

 

hinata: the gwah with a word???

 

mommacita: sure

 

hinata: so whats the conno-thing with daddy

 

mommacita: 

 

mommacita: @dadchi

 

dadchi: wait no

dadchi: ok son. 

dadchi: so, 

dadchi: sometimes, when two people love each other,

 

hinata: i know what sex is

 

dadchi: Oh, Great

 

kageyama: so why are you talkin about that stuff when hinata asked about daddy

 

dadchi: do you think theyre unrelated

 

kageyama: i really dont want to answer that

 

 

_hinata to yams_

hinata: did u tell kageyama to also play dumb?

 

yams: no?

 

_Chat for Volleyball (VOLLEYBALL ONLY)_

tsuki: rip of the bandage, dadchi

 

mommacita: lord do i really have to do everything

 

dadchi: i was workin on it

 

mommacita: a daddy, children.

 

oikawa: Is me!! 

 

kageyama: wtf

 

tanaka: wtf

 

noya: wtf

 

mommacita: as i was saying, has a connotation with being a sexy time word

 

hinata: OH

 

kageyama: oh

 

tsuki: hh children

 

dadchi: i woulda phrased it differently

dadchi: this was supposed to be a volleyball group chat

 

mommacita: back on track! we missing anyone?

 

hinata: yachi?

 

yachi: oh im here i just didnt want to partake

 

jesus: mood

 

yachi: wow yall know jesus

 

jesus: no, its me, jesus

jesus: jesus

 

noya: hol up

 

jesus: noya what did you do

 

noya: Hey gays. so like, months ago i took Jesus's phone n auto corrected it so his name would turn into jesus. 

noya: did u just notice?

 

jesus: yes! and yachi im not actually jesus im jesus

 

yachi: hi jesus. u having an identity crisis?

 

jesus: yeah

 

yamagucci: so noya is chaotic hardcore.

 

tsuki: good or neutral

 

yamagucci: good, i think

 

mommacita: hot take

mommacita: most of our team is chaotic good/neutral

 

hinata: tsuki is chaotic evil!!!

 

lil salty shit: bitch im neutral evil

 

hinata: yea 

 

lil salty shit: hey again, who tf changed my name and why doesnt it show who changed my name

 

yamagucci: oh thats weird

 

ennoshita: wait was that oikawa earlier?

 

 

 

_suga to oiks(vball)_

suga: you really risked your cover for a im daddy joke

 

oiks(vball): i had to do it to em

 

suga: youre lucky theyre so goddamn stupid and scatterbrained. 

 

oiks(vball): yea isnt that like a problem for a sport that requires focus lmao

 

suga: oh it is :)

 

oiks(vball): :)

 

 

 

_Iwaizumi to Oikawa_

Iwaizumi: You made a daddy joke

Iwaizumi: Thats what you risked your cover for

 

Shittykawa: Oh you fuckin know it babe

 

Iwaizumi: your a lil shit

 

Shittykawa: ily

 

Iwaizumi: Ill Leave Ya <3

 

Shittykawa: <3 

 

 


	3. he's with jesus now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> daichi: why cant i tag asashi
> 
> mommacita: he's with jesus now
> 
> daichi: When did that happen
> 
> mommacita: You Didn't Know?

_Chat for Volleyball. (VOLLEYBALL ONLY.)_

 

_yamagucci changed lil salty shit's nickname to tsukishima_

 

yamagucci: thank god. who took away my naming privileges?

 

noya: HE HAS YAMAGUCCI'S PHONE TAKE AWAY PRIVILEGES 

 

daichi: on it

 

_daichi changed tsukishima's nickname to tsukkkiii_

 

daichi: bitch don't play god

 

tsukkkiii: unfair. also, suga?'

 

daichi: maybe

 

yamagucci: just because tsuki borrowed my phone once does that really mean i should always be banned from nicknaming forever?  
  


noya: yes

 

tanaka: yes

 

daichi: yes

 

mommacita: yes

 

hinata: yes

 

yachi: yes

 

shimizu: yes

 

noya: thiss.... is tsuki still.... i can feel it

 

tanaka: bRO OYUR RIGHT

 

yamagucci: how the fuck do yall know

 

tsukkkiii: this is my life now

 

yamagucci: hey its actually me again!!!

 

hinata: This is Yamagucci . I knw!!

 

yamagucci: thx hinata!!!

 

noya: ThE POWERS OF THE 1st YEARS  
  


tanaka: them hoes coNNECTEd

 

mommacita: tanaka, please do not say the 1st years are them hoes connected

 

tanaka: 1 rule

 

mommacita: damn straight

 

tanaka: @noya here's your opening dont miss it

 

noya: hehHEHEHEH WHO U CALLIN STRAIGHT  
  


mommacita: smh. 

 

daichi: suga do i need 2 take your fingerprint out my phone

 

mommacita: no

 

daichi: hm 

 

daichi: PSA if i say bitch when texting y'all its suga

 

mommacita: yea u know its him bc he used y'all

 

tanaka: y'all

 

noya: y'all'll'nt've'd's

 

tsukkkiii: Gd

 

tanaka: suprisedpickachu.jpeg

 

tsukkkiii: you typed out suprisedpickachu.jpeg instead of attaching an image

 

tanaka: You typed it out to try & Spite Me?? HM??

 

tsukkkiii: lmao ok at least i have hair

 

tanaka: suprisedpickachu.jpeg

 

noya: yall bitches spellin pichachu wrong

 

kageyama: its pichachu

 

hinata: I thnk It's Pikacho!!

 

yamagucci: You are texting on your phones cant you look it up???

yamagucci: its pikacoo

yamagucci: pikachu

 

noya: FUCK  
  


tanaka: Bring your pokemon cards to my house tommorow. YOu have lost your liscene

 

mommacita: you cant spell licence?

 

tanaka: You think i have one?  
  


mommacita: proceed

 

noya: WAIT you spelt it wrong first

 

tanaka: FUCK

 

noya: Bring your cards to my house tomorrow. You have lost your training license

 

hinata: Pokemon? I never really got into that!!

 

noya: WE WILL TEACH YOU

 

tanaka: BRO you wanna?  
  


noya: yes PREPARE FOR TROUBLE

 

tsukkkiii: @hinata, look what you've done

 

tanaka: MAKE IT DOUBLE  
  


 

hinata: OH so i Cant't ask quesitons anymore??????? yOU wanna fight

 

noya: TO PROTECT THE WORLD FROM DEVISTATION 

 

tanaka: TO UNITE ALL PEOPLES WITHIN OUR NATION

 

mommacita: should not have kept these fuckers, hm

 

noya: TO DENOUNCE THE EVILS OF TRUTH AND LOVE

 

tanaka: TO EXTEND OUR REACH TO THE STARS ABOVE

 

daichi: you really shouldn't have. 

 

noya: NOYA  
  


tanaka: JAMES  
tanaka: TANAKA  
  


noya: TEAM ROCKET, BLAST OFF AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT

 

tsukkkiii: never ask them about anything again 

 

hinata: I dont think they answered me yet tho?? 

hinata: I dont want an answer tho. Thnks guys!!!

 

noya: we're so cool

 

tanaka: we lit

 

noya: You aRE ON FIRE!!  
  


daichi: @ennoshita come get ya mans

daichi: why cant i tag asashi

 

mommacita: he's with jesus now

 

daichi: When did that happen

 

mommacita: You Didn't Know?

 

daichi: Nope

 

mommacita: wait sorry i meant he is jesus not with jesus. lmao @jesus

 

jesus: please leave me alone

 

daichi: whoah we have jesus

 

jesus: fuck off yachi already pulled this

 

yachi: I'm sorry if that was annoying!!!!!

 

jesus: not you, yachi we love you

 

noya: hehe jesus

 

asashi: hey

 

noya: hey

 

tanaka: hey 

 

noya: hey

 

tanaka: i DO I DO I DO I DOOOOOO  
  


yamagucci: hamilton is not relevent

 

mommacita: Tanaka does not seem like a person to like an american history musical

 

tanaka: I'm a very interesting maN!!

 

noya: he thinks eliza looks like shimizu

 

tanka: bro,., rude

 

ennoshita: angelica is where its at yo

 

tanaka: HI Can i File a divorce @jesus

 

jesus: procede

 

tanaka: when yo man aint like yo woman, the man gotta go

 

ennoshita: tf

 

jesus: sustained. valid. uhh congrats yall aint dating

 

tanaka: cool

 

tanaka: hey @ennoshita u wanna hang out tonight

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. volleyball isn't the only talent they have

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mommacita: you wanna see a magic trick?  
> hinata: TELL BOKUTO HES AWESOME N I USED HIS SECRET ATTACK THE OTEHR OEDAY N I GOT POINTS N HES AWSESOM N HISHAIR IS COOL  
> mommacita: bokuto says "ur a funky lil tangerine, hinata"  
> hinata: !!!  
> mommacita: anyway. kageyama. wanna experience true fear?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> glad to see yall enjoying this :D  
> (also: to any one who doesnt read the manga bluecastle is just aoba johsai)

_Chat for Volleyball. (VOLLEYBALL ONLY)_

 

 _dadchi changed_ _Chat for Volleyball. (VOLLEYBALL ONLY) to vball chat_

 

mommacita: cool now there's not some long name takin up half my notification screen

 

jesus: he should really take ur fingerprint out of his phone

 

mommacita: he really should, shouldn't he. 

mommacita: the lil bitch threw a pillow at me, smh. the disrespect.

 

hinata: Hey!! we hve practice tommmrowo right? if so, whns practice tommomrow??

 

tsukkkiii: Oh, it's cancelled!

 

hinata: ?

hinata: @mommacita @ennoshita Hey!! whns practice tommomrwo??'

 

tsukkkiii: you spelt tomorrow three different ways and none of them are correct

 

mommacita: hinata its at the normal time! also, dont ever listen to tsukishima

 

ennoshita: Good point. list of people not allowed to give out practice times: Tsukishima

 

ennoshita: was gonna put other problem children on it, but figured this was good for now

 

mommacita: rt. 

 

tsukkkiii: Um, rude?

 

ennoshita: do all schools have problem children?

 

dadchi: No one comes to mind immediately, i'll text the other captains. 

 

tanaka: am i a problem child???

 

mommacita: 

 

ennoshita: 

 

yamagucci:

 

tanaka: suprised pikachu.jpeg

 

noya: BRO i love you but PLS stoP typing that out!! send the image!

 

tanaka: i thoUGHT YOU LIKED MY MEMES  


noya: its not a meme if you type out the image name and not send the actual image

 

tanaka:  _sent an image_

 

noya: im so proud of you

 

tanaka: :, )

 

ennoshita: wait @dadchi ur in a group with all the captains? whats that like?

 

mommacita: he's chatting w kuroo n bokuto rn so ill relay the message but essentially it consists of bokuto lamenting how awesome his friends are, kuroo sending cat videos, ushijima being clueless, etc

 

ennoshita: is the bluecastle captain in there?

 

mommacita: oh oikawa? he's actually in it, yea. he's actually everywhere

 

kageyama: That'll haunt me

 

mommacita: you wanna see a magic trick?  


hinata: TELL BOKUTO HES AWESOME N I USED HIS SECRET ATTACK THE OTEHR OEDAY N I GOT POINTS N HES AWSESOM N HISHAIR IS COOL  


mommacita: bokuto says "ur a funky lil tangerine, hinata"

 

hinata: !!!  


mommacita: anyway. kageyama. wanna experience true fear?

 

kageyama: Not really

 

hinata: he's scared!! hahah not so GRAND NOW huH u lil bitch

 

tanaka: he really called him a lil bitch

 

noya: brings tears to my eyes

 

mommacita: hush children. kageyama if you say three things u either like/dislike about oikawa he appears

 

kageyama: like in person?  


mommacita: not sure. wanna find out?

 

kageyama: well, first off, oikawa is close w iwaizumi and he's pretty cool. so thats one positive.

 

mommacita: ok, continue

 

kageyama: and i guess my serves were inspired by his, even though mine are better

 

tsukkkiii: oh i remember

 

kageyama: and i dont really like the word but with oikawa it fits

 

mommacita: ? and what word is that

 

kageyama: he's a hoe

 

oikawa: tobbioooo-chan~

oikawa: @everyone Hello Fuckers

oikawa: 1- yes he is awesome 2- yes they are, and wrong 3- :/

 

_kageyama has left vball chat_

 

oikawa: well

 

ennoshita: how long have u been here?

 

mommacita: wow it worked

 

hinata: guss the lil bitches ar multiplying

 

oikawa: i'm more offended at ur spelling than anything else smh. you spelt guess and are wrong but not multiplying?

 

tanaka: whY THE FRUCK fUCK FRICK ar E THERE BLUE CAstle PUNKS HERE AYY??  


noya: WHTS U WANT MY GOOD MAN

 

oikawa: huh? oh thats ok, i mean no harm. kageyama summoned me~

 

_hinata added kageyama to vball chat_

 

kageyama: can i at least also summon iwaizumi?

 

iwaizumi: hey my dudes

 

hinata: WoW Kageyama!! how do you do tht!!!

 

kageyama: i dont know? Why would I know

 

tanaka: them hoes multiplying

 

mommacita: what did i tell u about calling people hoes

 

iwaizumi: can definitely speak for tooru. #1 hoe right there

iwaizumi: i mean shittykawa

 

oikawa: ;-;

 

mommacita: that looks like the ghasts from minecraft

 

oikawa: finally, someone with taste

 

dadchi: whats going on? did i accidentally add oikawa to this? and iwaizumi? huh

 

oikawa: if i die young, bury me in satin

oikawa: lay me down on a bed of roses

 

_dadchi removed oikawa from vball chat_

 

iwaizumi: bye dudes

 

_dadchi removed iwaizumi from vball chat_

 

mommacita: wild

 

tanaka: rt

 

noya: rt

 

jesus: hey what did i miss

 

 

 

 


	5. wide snake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kageyama: well hinata's a gleek  
> hinata: no i dont like glee  
> sugar: i'm so glad you're not actually a snake, hinata  
> noya: why would he actually be a snake tho

_vball chat_

 

_mommacita changed their nickname to sugar_

 

 

sugar: note for prosperity if hinata laughs really hard he looks like he's been crying. so do not interrupt his lunch because u think he's sobbing

 

hinata: Is tht not normal??

 

sugar: sweetie i walked by and ur eyes were puffy!! no its not!!

 

hinata: I was jst rly thinking about horizontal snakes!! and someone drew it!! and i jstt got overwhelmed??? It was so stupid?? It made me laugh? but also sad? no arm? how does a snake play volleyball

 

noya: WIDE SNAKE 

_noya sent an image_

hinata: So long!!!! but so unable to play volleyball :(

 

noya: that snake can kill grown men

noya: well, not that exact snake. but some snakes out there can. probs

 

hinata: So long!!!! and so strong (probs)

 

daichi: there's a school kuroo really doesn't like that i thinks mascots a snake

 

tanaka: bluecastle?

 

noya: shirtozsawa

 

ennoshita: that is Def not how that is spelt

ennoshita: but i dont want 2 think so shirt oz sawa it is

 

tanaka: no shirt whatevs aren't snakes thats was mad abt it

 

sugar: n bluecastle aren't really snakes pals. what is their mascot, anyway?

 

kageyama: I think It's Oikawa

 

hinata: They're the grand kings??  
  


kageyama: no dumbass like the mascot is Oikawa

 

tsukkkiii: I just had the horrible thought of a wax figure of Oikawa, but there being 10 of them in a group

 

sugar: but fr

 

daichi: I'll ask oikawa

 

noya: shh let us think its oikawa's face

 

daichi: he said it was hangers? anyone have any idea what that means

 

sugar: wait like Oikawa texted you on a group chat that their mascot was hangers

 

daichi: ye

 

sugar: ask if its makki or mattsun

 

daichi: ok so it was makki and mattsun they broke into his phone. 

 

sugar: lmao they fun hoes over there

 

hinata: Oh is that their mascot???

 

sugar: ?

 

hinata: are they hoes

 

sugar: yes

 

tsukkkiii: yes

 

ennoshita: yes

 

kageyama: yes

 

tanaka: i thought that was shirt ozsawa thing

 

noya: no they are swans?  

 

daichi: ushijima likes farming

 

jesus: He Seems The Type

 

hinata: SNAKES COULDNT SET A VOLLEYBAKK  


kageyama: can you?

tsukkkiii: Can you do that

 

hinata: RUDE  
hinata: NO ARMS? so sad 

 

yamagucci: very snake

 

noya: much slither

 

tanaka: such sneak

 

hinata: ook wide snake made me laugh cause like,, wide snake

 

noya: go on

 

hinata: but now im JUST SAD NO ARM  


noya: yes. no arm.

 

sugar: hinata snakes have survived this long because they can survive without arms! they might think its weird that we dont shoot venom you know!

 

tsukkkiii: so to recap suga's text- this is the ideal male body. it's peak performance whether you like it or not

 

hinata: but we can?

 

daichi: wait what

 

sugar: hinata??

 

hinata: If I do tht thing w my tounge where i do the thing then the thing happens n my spit like fhwhwoooohs out like a snake

 

jesus: that's called gleeking

 

kageyama: well hinata's a gleek

 

hinata: no i dont like glee

 

sugar: i'm so glad you're not actually a snake, hinata

 

noya: why would he actually be a snake tho

 

tanaka: shhh a mother worries . let him

 

hinata: I hope you guys know I'm this clsoe to crying!! Snakes!! no arm!! so wide!!

 

yamagucci: hinata my pal ily but u cried after shrek

 

hinata: it was a very well thought out film!!! 

 

ennoshita: yea i'd say it had a lotta layers

 

tanaka: like a certain vegetable

 

noya: perhaps an onion?

 

ennoshita: yes, i quite like that analogy. it's an (all) star.

 

hinata: I'm tryna appreciate the Well thoughtouness of shrek!! Shush!

 

tsukkkiii: And he's serious

 

yamagucci: tsuki ily but u cried after jurassic world 

 

tsukkkiii: Yea I'll own up 2 that. I did

 

daichi: thanks for sharing

 

tsukkkiii: hey don't text kuroo

 

daichi: oh am i not supposed to share when u say something endearing?

 

tsukkkiii: why would u

 

daichi: kuroo said u wanted a cool third year leader like with hinata n bokuto but u were shy about it so he wanted me to relay how u were doing

daichi: oh i see. lmao sorry bud

 

tsukkkiii: it's like hes tryna adopt me i s2g

 

yamagucci: would this be a bad time 2 say i send him pics of u as a child

 

tsukkkiii: yamagucci how could u

 

hinata: Hey ask if anyone knows one of Kuroo's childhood friends who has a ton of blackmail 

 

tsukkkiii: anyone know kenma

 

hinata: I do!!! Want his number???

 

tsukkkiii: yea, actually. i'd appreciate it.

 

daichi: hey bokuto is willing 2 adopt hinata

 

sugar: not in this house

 

daichi: and yes kuroo said he'd adopt u tsukishima

 

sugar: ya they can take him

 

sugar: jk u salty shit i love u 2 ig

 

tsukkkiii: lmao i have pictures of him seeing what he'd look like with filled in eye brows. it doesn't look good. 

 

hinata: bokuto can be my honary parent!!! 

 

daichi: he called u a funky tangerine again

 

hinata: !!!!!!!!!!!!

 

daichi: he also said he'd check w akaashi before doing any paperwork

 

sugar: akaashi is probs someone i'd trust with my children

 

hinata: oh mom!!

 

sugar: who is the mom u are refering 2 sweaty

 

hinata: um as in oh mom u have a short list of people u'd trust us with!!!

 

noya: NICE SAVE HINATA

 

 

 

 

Extra- Dadchi asking bout that mascot

 _ahhoy cap'in_ chat

dadchi: Hey oikawa we were wondering what your guys mascot was

 

yoda: Well my dear friend~ our school has the lovely mascot of hangers!!

 

dadchi: hangers?

 

hoothot: i"M AN OWL

 

kurat: we cats bitch. best of em all

 

dadchi: arguable

 

farmerboi: Yes, arguable.

 

dadchi: wait oikawa, about the hangers

 

yoda: Yes? It's completely serious. it's an important mascot

 

dadchi: makki and mattsun?

 

yoda: HOW THE FUCK DO U KNO

yoda: nvM MATTSUN SAID SUGA N him caplocks is hard and the other setters text sometimes oikawa must reveal our true nature.

 

dadchi: yea suga told me it was probably yall

 

yoda: hahaha yall

 

kurat: tf are they

 

hoothot: are you two,, bros?

 

yoda: yes.

 

kurat: ok cool

 

yoda: shit i think oikawa's coming back. uhuhhh his password was abductmepls make fun of hi

 

hoothot: can I get an F

 

kurat: F

 

farmerboi: I don't know this meme, but I like it

 

kurat: shhh and pay respects

 

farmerboi: F

 

dadchi: F

 

yoda: Ya u hoes better F them cause like uhuh r00d

yoda: THAT IS NOT MY PASSWORD

 

kurat: I bet it is. unless u tell us ur actual password

 

yoda: I took internet safety classes. So no

 

hoothot: abductmepls

 

yoda: f u

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is their mascot-   
> (a) oikawa  
> (b) the color blue, especially blue castles  
> (c) shrubbery   
> (d) kings
> 
> the answer- (a) oikawa


	6. palentines day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The karasuno group chat on valentines day.

hinata: Hppy PALentines day you all!!

 

sugar: thank you hinata! you doing anything?

 

hinata: nope!! 

 

kageyama: you wanna hang out tonight?

 

hinata: sure!!

 

sugar: ;) dadchi and I are going to go see the new Lego movie

 

dadchi: Everything is Awesome when I'm with this team!

 

sugar: awwww u just like chris pratt

 

dadchi:  Yes.

 

tsukkkiii: the kid movie

 

sugar: Yes.

 

yamagucci: That movie actually looked really cute. Did you guys get the add that was the entire first movie?

 

sugar: oml yes! 

 

tsukkkiii: oh do u wanna see it

 

yamagucci: let's

 

hinata: EVERYTHIN IS AWESOME!!

 

kageyama: 0/10

 

hinata: WHEN UR NOT ON MY TEAM

 

kageyama -1/10

 

hinata: smh ur not even a 10/10

 

kageyama: Oh?

 

hinata: more like a 9

 

kageyama: :/

 

_sugar changed hinata's nickname to funky tangerine_

 

funky tangerine: !!!

 

_sugar changed kageyama's nickname to angery blueberry_

 

angery blueberry: I mean ok I guess?

 

tanaka: angry*

 

sugar: angery has different energy ok dude

 

noya: imagine an angery kitten but an angry lion

 

tanaka: oh worm

 

noya: outdated.

 

tanaka: (enno)shit(a) u rite

 

ennoshita: god

 

jesus: yes?

 

noya: omgg jesus hi! huge fan

 

tsukkkiii: short* fan

 

jesus: they say the taller you are the more room for satan.

 

tsukkkiii: shorter people are closer to satan. i only have room for 1 thing

 

noya: SALT

 

tsukkkiii: u arent wrong

 

jesus: noya is precious and the epitimy of awesome

 

noya: aw thanks

 

sugar: asashi? is that u

 

jesus: why wouldnt it be

 

tsukkkiii: epitimy

 

tanaka: epitimy

 

ennoshita: epitimy

 

noya: hey dont make fun of him i bet it was an honest mistake

 

sugar: perhaps a mistake made by someone who knows his password

 

noya: i plead the 5th

 

tanaka: oh worm ur american now huh

 

noya: only on weekends

 

sugar: im going 2 go w dadchi and enjoy my movie. some one teach noya 2 spell

 

tanaka: bye suga

 

noya: bye

 

ennoshita: so, its epitome bro

 

noya: epetimy

 

tanaka: find that epetiddy

 

noya: ePETIDDY

 

ennoshita: you fools. epitome this is a text convo tf

 

noya: ennotiddy

 

tanka: oh worm

 

_tanaka changed ennoshita's nickname to ennoshiddy_

 

ennoshiddy: 

 

noya: enNNOSHIDDY 

 

tanaka: Hey you remember that time that ennoshita spelled luxury wrong

 

ennoshiddy: oi rude

 

noya: omhjjhd was that when he wrote an essay titled luxery brands

 

ennoshiddy: i'm intelligent

 

tanaka: u got a good grade but the word luxury was in the source you paraphrased u fool

 

noya: fool

 

ennoshiddy: ok im a fool then

 

funky tangerine: I dont think ur a fool!!!!

 

ennoshiddy: thanks hinata

 

funky tangerine: ok bye again

 

ennoshiddy: bye

 

ennoshiddy: ok then

 

noya: lmao they all on dates or sum ?

 

ennoshiddy: you are literally at asashi's house having dinner right now

 

noya: u rite

 

tsukkkiii: ok i need to bitch real quick i'm on a bathroom break from the movie there is a whole ass man who cried during the lego movie and tadashi won't make fun of him with me

 

noya: whole ass man?

 

tsukkkiii: nothin against crying at movies but it wasn't even like a good part it was the one in the beginning that was supposed to be comedic

 

tsukkkiii: we laughin right and then guy starts blubbering . oof. alright i'm going back to my seat bye

 

noya: was he texting us while peeing

 

tanaka: probably taking a dump

 

angery blueberry: you all are so proper huh

 

noya: yes, yes we are hoe

 

angery blueberry: hey suga has told you to stop calling us hoes

 

noya: aight hoe

 

angery blueberry: just cause u have to convince urself you're ok being the shortest person in everyroom you walk into doesn't mean anything bitch

 

noya: i know for a fact u like like short people

 

angery blueberry: hol up noya no

 

funky tangerine: waaaait a second

funky tangerine: i'm short

 

angery blueberry: yes u are

 

funky tangerine: so u like meeeeeeeee

 

angery blueberry: i mean like i dont hate u

 

funky tangerine: aight

funky tangerine: did i use that right

 

noya: yes

 

angery blueberry: alright

 

tanaka: lmao ennoshita r we the one couple that did not do anything

 

ennoshiddy: i told ya since it's the middle of the week that we should wait till the weekend since i have homework

 

tanaka: worm

 

ennoshiddy: worm indeed

 

noya: u cute

 

jesus: Did noya send anything from my phone?  I realized he's had it with him for the past hour or so while we've been hanging out.

 

ennoshiddy: p sure ur not noya bc realized is spelled right. yes he did but just minor stuff don worry bout it

 

jesus: ok worm

 

tanaka: YES JESUS WORM  


hinata: WORMS DON'T HAVE ARMS HOW ARE THEY SUPPSOED TO PLAY VBALL

 

noya: oh this again

 

noya: uh, with their tails?

 

tanaka: wait aren't they all a tail

 

noya: no like its head-neck-body-tail

 

tanaka: where is the marker for each of those tho 

 

noya: i dont know!!  


ennoshiddy: i think the worms are just like lines. arm, tail, whatevs. just a muscle line

 

tanaka: i want a muscle line

 

ennoshiddy: well,

 

noya: well,

 

funky tangerine: Whats a muscle line

 

tanaka: Well me and my pureness was thinking like ab lines or lines in ur arms or legs that show how beef u are u kno u kno but these impure assholes have their heads in the gutter

 

funky tangerine: So what is it??  


ennoshiddy: Alright this convo is over!! Yeet! it's been yoted into the garbage. Hinata how was hanging out with kageyama

 

funky tangerine: Do u typically only make out with people ur dating

 

ennoshiddy: yes?

 

funky tangerine: Oh. Kageyama and I are dating now then 

 

noya: wait u weren't already 

 

funky tangerine: No??? Why would we b??

 

noya: ignore me

 

ennoshiddy: lmao u weren't dating until like 30 minutes ago then?

 

funky tangerine: Yea

 

ennoshiddy: hAH suga owes me money lit

 

tsukkkiii: speaking of suga. the guy who cried during inopportune times of the lego movie who was right behind me? that was suga. 

 

sugar: it WAS AN EMOTIONAL SCENE BTICH 

 

dadchi: It was only somewhat emotional, in my opinion

 

sugar: bABE ily but bACK ME UP

 

dadchi: it was tramautic

 

sugar: daichi agrees!!  


tsukkkiii: how in the world did we manage not only to pick same movie/theater, but also time and spot in theater? 

 

tanaka: yOU HOES CONNECTED

 

sugar: 10

 

tanaka: what

 

sugar: what did i say bout hoes

 

angery blueberry: oh good. noya called me a hoe

 

ennoshiddy: also they only got together just today so suga,, u owe me 

 

sugar: 1. noya we've talked about this 2. ennoshiddy? i dont wanna know 3. hinata n kageyama u couldnt have waited until yalls second year smh

 

funky tangerine: why second year

 

sugar: gay things happen 2nd year

 

noya: well it'll be a while till we test that cause all the first years already paired up

 

sugar: yaMAGUCCI AND TSUKKI YOU MOTHERFUCKERS

 

sugar: i meAN MY SWEET SWEET CHILDREN 

 

tsukkkiii: what

 

yamagucci: we're not like, in trouble are we?

 

sugar: how long 

 

yamagucci: um, end of middle school

 

sugar: AYYUFUUUWEHH YUS CALLED IT

 

dadchi: u sure it wasn't before the first official tournament

 

sugar: LKJJKJKJHHJKHJKYEYEYSYYSSYS

 

tsukkkiii:  pretty sure I know my own time line's relationship

 

yamagucci: did asashi and noya start dating asashi's second year or noya's second year?

 

sugar: technically asashi's second year but it was the end of that year

 

yamagucci: that's sweet

 

noya: hel yus it was

 

jesus: yu we broke a broom

 

yamagucci: doing what

 

tanaka: yea what were you doing

 

ennoshiddy: hm

 

suga: hmm

 

dadchi: hmmm

 

funky tangerine: wiait we never discussed in length the fact that worms also do not have arms

 

angery blueberry: worm's dont need arms

 

funky tangerine: Does that make you up-set :D

 

angery blueberry: i cant say i dig it

 

tsukkkiii: you guys suck

 

tsukkkiii: @yamagucci I'd never block your love

 

yamagucci: aw boo

 

yamagucci: ask me if i'm a volleyball

 

tsukkkiii: are you a volleyball

 

yamagucci: no

 

funky tangerine: Thts so stupid??? i lov eit!!!!! 

 

sugar: yamaguchi i Am CRYGN

 

dadchi: he is he's muttering it to himself right now

 

sugar: no am not

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there were 69 kudos when i wrote this hell yea


	7. blaze it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> noya: so. its 4.20  
> sugar: so it is  
> noya: u kno what that means!
> 
>  
> 
> karasuno makes a bunch of weed jokes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i haven't updated in a while, my b. in my defense, im tryna play a school sport and keep a's in my ap classes (weird flex but ok @myself) once late may hits and im done w ap testing tho there will be more frequent updates! for now, enjoy a 4/20 themed chapter

_vball chat_

 

noya: so. its 4.20

 

sugar: so it is

 

noya: u kno what that means!

 

sugar: no

 

funky tangerine: ???

 

angery blueberry: ?

 

tanaka: BLAZE IT

 

tsukkkiii: light it up hoe

 

noya: TUSKKIILSILJGEKlgnlsKN hoe

 

sugar: is that really tsukishima tho :/

 

tsukkkiii: yes

 

sugar: 9

 

tanaka: f

 

noya: f

 

funky tangerine: smoke weed today bitcheeesss

 

sugar: u can't if u wanna play vball at karasuno :/

 

funky tangerine: (ironically) smoke weee today bitchesss

 

tanaka: smOKE weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee  


noya: Weee  
  


funky tangerine: i ment smoke weed!

 

dadchi: what 

 

jesus: smokE WEED? iN THIS HOUSE

 

dadchi: in this economy

 

sugar: its 4/20

 

jesus: oh. smOKE WEEEK every daY boiiiis

 

dadchi: re: tf

 

_tanaka changed tanaka's nickname to snoop dog_

 

_noya changed noya's nickname to snoop dog_

 

snoop dog: BRO CHANGE IT BACK I HAD IT FIRST

 

snoop dog: iT WAS WITHIN 10 SECONDS OF eAHC OTHER

 

sugar: both of you change now'

 

_snoop dog changed snoop dog's nickname to baldie_

 

_baldie changed snoop dog's name to short_

 

short: did we change each others name and not our own

 

baldie: yea

 

sugar: how do you give me, a guy with grey hair, mORE GREY HAIRs

 

jesus: i have exactly 12 grey hairs

 

tsukkkiii: re: light it up hoe

 

sugar: 8wHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS  


yamagucci: kuroo, kenma, bokuto, akaashi all came for a visit this weekend on the down low. is there a chance that thats kuroo

 

tsukkkiii: no

tsukkkiii: but want to add those four to this gc to celebrate 4/20? i have no privilegeefjfkjv ;kj 

 

tsukkkiii: dont add those four. well, add those three minus you-know-who

 

dadchi: just for like, an hour.

 

_dadchi added hoothot to vball chat_

_dadchi added kurat to vball chat_  

 

dadchi: add ur setters bois

 

kurat: hello thank u for having me

 

_hoothot added aaakkaashi to vball chat_

kurat: so u want kenma but not me?

 

tsukkkiii: yea

 

_aaakkaashi added kozumekenma to vball chat_

_dadchi removed kurat from vball chat_

 

tsukkkiii: thanks akaashi

 

aaakkaashi; of course

 

hoothot: WEEED DAY IN THE KARASUNO GROUP CHAT  


baldie: tIME TO ACT LIKE WE SMOKE WEED EVEN THO WEVE NEVER SEEN IT iN PERSON  


hoothot: EWWEKEKEEKED #420 BLAZE IT  


kozumekenma: light it up hoes

 

dadchi: kuroo no

 

kozumekenma: no this is kenma. did kuroo say same thing?

 

dadchi: actually yea

 

kozumekenma: oh. i said it at practice and its a nekoma inside joke so kuroo uhh plagerizes

 

jesus: can you really claim light it up hoes as your own phrase tho?

 

kozumekenma: i mean yea

 

jesus: ok

 

aaakkaashi: why do you guys do this?

 

sugar: it boils down to 'why not'

 

aaakkaashi: ok 

 

sugar: i mean like, they can def not like highschool athletics bans drug use but also its fun to say 'smoke weed everyday' in the voice

 

aaakkaashi:  **smoke weed er'y day**

 

sugar: ah, yes. that voice

 

hoothot: idk what aaakashi'S game is he wore weed socks to vball practice today

 

aaakkaashi: you noticed?

 

hoothot: yea?? i had the same pair on!!

 

aaakkaashi: oh wow we have matching weed socks

 

kozumekenma: smh

kozumekenma: kuroo played the weed song today

 

baldie: oh worm which one

 

kozumekenma: colt 45

 

short: a classic

 

kozumekenma: just the chorus tho. on repeat. for 15 minutes

 

short: wheres the link

 

baldie: oP WHERES THE LINK  
  


kozumekenma: at the request of shouyou i most definitely am not sending you that

 

baldie: @ANGERY BLUEBERRY wWHAT GIVES  
  


baldie: lmao wrong one @FUNKY TANGERINE WHAT GIVES  
  


funky tangerine: yea no also @hoothot bOKTUOOOOO

 

hoothot: FUNNKY TANGERINE I LVOEEG IT !!! HINATA!!!!  
  


funky tangerine: UR WOIOOAGOEONKJN I USED UR ATTACK THING IN A MATCH U KNOW TH  E ONE!!!  
  


hoothot: THEIH ONE SECRET THIGN?? 

 

funky tangerine: YEAJBKJEKJSKJV:KJK:JSN:KN:KNN AHAHHHHH  
  


hoothot: i'm so proud of you u funky lil tangerine!!  
  


funky tangerine: thanks u funky ripped owl

 

hoothot: EKNFONSND:VKN{OEIN{OIONN{OION funky ripped owl

 

_hoothot changed hoothot's nickname to funky ripped owl_

 

funky ripped owl: we match now

 

funky tangerine: hECK YEA!!  
  


dadchi: heh. funky

 

sugar: babe no

 

dadchi: heh babe yes

 

jesus: lmao he on (whispers: weed???) 

 

sugar: he only got like 2 hours of sleep, which has the same effect on him.

 

dadchi: i'm wide awake boiiIIIIIIIS

 

sugar: daichi go 2 bed

 

dadchi: yea imma takE A FAT NAP

 

sugar: lmao. take ur nap like now pls

 

dadchi: night :^D

 

sugar: night :)

 

sugar: anyway. this is how dadchi is whenever i sleep over and it gets past like, 11pm. 

 

baldie: I PROPSE A TEAM SLEEPOVER  
  


short: HECK FUCK EYAA AA

 

sugar: ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)

sugar: actually, not a bad idea

 

baldie: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

short: ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 

 


End file.
